WHY I ABANDONED THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH
by Bishop Paul Ballaster-Convolier +1984
Bishop Paul de Ballester-Convallier: A contemporary Neo martyr of Orthodoxy (25th anniversary of his martyrdom: 1984-2009)
Two thousand and nine marked the 25th anniversary of the death as a martyr of the late Bishop Paul de Ballester-Convallier (1927-1984). As a memorial to him we reprint here his article which explains why and how he was converted to the Orthodox Church from Roman Catholicism.
The following article of the then Hierodeacon (monastic deacon) Fr. Paul Ballester-Convollier was published in two follow up articles by Kivotos Magazine (July 1953, p. 285-291 and December 1953 p. 483-485). Previously a Franciscan monk who had turned to Orthodoxy, Bishop Paul was made titular Bishop of Nazianzus of the Holy Archdiocese of North and South America with its seat in Mexico City. There he met with a martyr’s death. The news of his death was reported on the first page of the newspaper Kathemerini (an Athens daily), Saturday, February 4, 1984) which says”
THE GREEK ORTHODOX BISHOP PAUL WAS MURDERED IN MEXICO
As it became known in Mexico City, before yesterday the Bishop of Nazianzus, Paul De Ballester of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of North and South America, died. He was murdered by a 70 year old Mexican, a retired military man who was suffering from psychiatric problems. The funeral was attended by Archbishop Iakovos who was aware of the work of the active Bishop. It should be pointed out that Bishop Paul was of Spanish origin and was received into the Orthodox Church as an adult. He excelled as a chief shepherd (Bishop) and author. The Mexican authorities do not exclude the possibility that his murderer was driven to his act through some sort of fanaticism. Bishop Paul was a native of Catalonia, Spain. He studied in seminaries in Athens and Halki, Turkey. He was ordained in Athens as a deacon in 1953 and as a priest in 1954. His ministry as a priest was first in Constantinople (1954-1959) and as a priest in 1954 and then in the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America (1959-1984). In 1970 he was consecrated titular Bishop of Nazianzus (in New York) with its seat in Mexico City. His work there as a churchman, university professor and voluminous author was brilliant and conspicuous, but unfortunately it was sealed with his premature death. He was murdered at the conclusion of the Divine Liturgy in Mexico City in 1984. His funeral was attended by Archbishop Iakovos who praised the exceptional work of this vibrant Bishop..
This article will open many eyes to the complete folly of dialogue with the Pope’s operation. The author discloses their erroneous claims to primacy and infallibility, reason alone for which Orthodoxy must shun them.
Bishop Paul of Nazianzus not only proved worthy of his calling, but also became a neo martyr of Orthodoxy. In a recent visit to Mexico City of His All-Holiness Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew in 2006, Metropolitan Athenagoras was directed to erect a monument of this Bishop in the front court of the Cathedral Church of Saint Sophia that was built by this Bishop.
1. How it All Began
“My conversion to Orthodoxy began one day while I was re-ordering the library catalogues of the Monastery I belonged to. This Monastery belonged to the Franciscan order, founded in my country of Spain. While I was classifying different old articles concerning the Inquisition, I happened to come across an article that was truly unbelievable, dating back to 1647. This article described a decision of the Inquisition that anathematized as heresy any Christian who dared to believe, accept or preach to others that he supported the apostolic validity of the Apostle Paul.
It was about this horrible finding that my mind could not comprehend. I immediately thought to calm my soul that perhaps it was due to a typographical error or due to some forgery, which was not so uncommon in the Western Church of that time when the articles were written.
However, my disturbance and surprise increased after researching and confirming that the decision of the Inquisition that was referred to in the article was true. In fact, already during two earlier occasions, namely in 1327 and 1331, the Popes John XXll and Clemens Vl had condemned and anathematized anyone who dared deny that the Apostle Paul, during his entire apostolic life was totally subordinate to the ecclesiastical monarchical authority of the first Pope and king of the Church, the Apostle Peter. A lot later Pope Pius X in 1907 and Benedict XV in 1920 had repeated the same anathemas and the same condemnations. I had therefore to dismiss any possibility of it being due to an inadvertent misquoting or forgery. So I was thus confronted with a serious problem of conscience.
Personally it was impossible for me to accept that the Apostle Paul was disposed of under some Papal command. The independence of his apostolic work among nations, against that which characterized the apostolic world of Peter among the circumcised, for me was an unshakable event that shouted from the Holy Bible.
The thing was totally clear to me who he was, as the exegetical works of the Fathers on this issue did not leave the slightest doubt. “Paul, writes St. John Chrysostom, “declares his equality with the rest of the Apostles and should be compared not only with all the others but with the first one of them, to prove that each one had the same authority.”
Truly, all the Fathers of the Church agree that “all the Apostles were the same like Peter, namely they were endowed with the same honor and authority.” It was impossible for any of them to exercise higher authority over the rest, for the apostolic title that each had was the “highest authority, the peak of authorities.” They were all shepherds, while the flock was one. And the flock was shepherded by the Apostles in conformity by all. The matter therefore was crystal clear. Despite this, the Latin teaching was against this reality. In this way, for the first time in my life, I experienced a frightful dilemma. What could I say? On one side were the Bible and Holy Tradition and on the other side was the teaching of the Church.
According to Latin theology, it is essential for our salvation to believe that the Church is a pure monarchy, whose monarch is the Pope. The Synod of the Vatican, voting together all the earlier convictions, declared officially that “if any one says…that Peter (who is assumed to be the first Pope) was not ordained by Christ as the leader of the Apostles and visible Head of all the Church…is under anathema.”
2. I Am Addressing My Confessor
Within this psychological disturbance I addressed my father confessor and naively described the situation. He was one of the most famous priests of the Monastery. He heard me with sadness, aware that it involved a very difficult problem. Having thought for a few minutes while looking in vain for an acceptable resolution, he finally told me the following, that I must confess, I did not expect from him. “The Bible and the Fathers have harmed you, my child. Set them aside and confine yourself to following the infallible teachings of the Church and do not let yourself become victim of such thoughts. Never allow creatures of God whoever they may be scandalize your faith in God and the Church.”
This explicit answer that he gave me caused me even greater confusion. I always believed that the Word of God is the only thing that one cannot set aside. Without allowing me any time to respond, my father confessor added: “In exchange, I shall give you a list of prominent authors in whose works your faith will find comfort and support.” And asking me if I had something else “more interesting” to ask, he terminated our conversation. A few days later my father confessor left for a preaching tour of Churches of the monastic order. He left me the list of authors, recommending that I read them. And he asked me to inform him of my progress in my study by writing him. Even though his words did not convince me in the least, I got the books and started to read them as objectively and attentively as possible.
The majority of the books were theological texts and manuals of papal decisions as well as of Ecumenical Synods. I threw myself into the study with genuine interest, having only the Bible as my guide. “Thy law is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my paths.” (Psalm 118:105).
As I progressed in my study of those books, I would begin to understand more and more that I was unaware of the true nature of my Church. Having been proselytized in Christianity and baptized as soon as I completed my encyclical studies, I continued with philosophical studies and then as I speak to you I was just at the beginning of the theological studies. It consisted of a science totally new to me. Until then Christianity and the Latin Church was for me one and the same, something absolutely indivisible. In my monastic life I was only concerned with the Church’s exterior view and I was given no reason to examine in depth the basis and reasons of the organic structure of my Church.
3. The Preposterous Teaching about the Pope
It was at this point, in reading the articles that my spiritual father had put together for me that the true nature of this monarchical system, known as the Latin Church, started to unravel before me. I suppose a summary of her characteristics would not be superfluous at this point. First of all, to Roman Catholics, the Christian Church “is nothing more than an absolute monarchy” whose monarch is the Pope who functions in all her facets as such. Upon this Papal monarchy “all the power and stability of the Church is found” which otherwise “would not have been possible.” Christianity is supported completely by the Papacy. “The Papacy is the most significant agent in Christianity,” that is “it is its epitome and its very essence.”
Pilgrims kiss the Pope’s feet. The monarchical authority of the Pope as the supreme leader and the visible head of the Church, is the cornerstone, the Universal Infallible Teacher of the Faith, the Representative (Vicar) of Christ on earth, the shepherd of shepherds and Supreme Hierarch. The Pope is dynamic and dominant and embraces all the teachings and legal rights that the Church has. “Divine right” is extended to all and individually to each baptized person throughout the whole world. This dictatorial authority can be exercised at any time, over anything and on any Christian across the world, whether lay or clergy, and in any Church or denomination and language it may be, in consideration of the Pope being the supreme Bishop of every ecclesiastical diocese in the world.
People who refuse to recognize all this authority and do not submit blindly to it are schismatic, heretic, impious and sacrilegious and their souls are already destined for eternal damnation, for it is essential for our salvation that we believe in the institution of the Papacy and submit to it and its representatives. The Latin teaching says: “accepting that the Pope has the right to intervene and judge all spiritual issues of each and every Christian separately, he also has the right to do the same in their worldly affairs. He cannot be limited to judging only through spiritual penalties, denying eternal salvation to those who do not submit to him, but he also has the right to exercise authority over the faithful. The Church has two knives, which are symbols of her spiritual and worldly power. The first of these are in the hands of the clergy, the other are in the hands of Kings and soldiers, though they too are under the will and service of the clergy.”
The Pope, maintaining that he is the representative of Him whose “kingdom is not of this world,” of Him who forbade the Apostles from imitating the kings of the world who “conquer the nations,” nominates himself as a worldly king, thus continuing the imperialism of Ancient Rome. At different times, he in fact had become lord over great expanses of land; he declared bloody wars against other Christian kings to acquire other land expanses, or even to satisfy his thirst for more wealth and power. He owned a great number of slaves. He played a central role and many times he played a decisive role in political history.
The duty of Christian lords is to retreat in the face “of this divinely appointed king” surrendering to him their kingdoms and their politico-ecclesiastical thrones “that was created to ennoble and anchor all the other thrones of the world.” Today the worldly diplomatic capital of the Pope is confined to Vatican City. It consists of an autonomous nation with diplomatic representations in the governments of both hemispheres, with an army, weapons, police, jails, currency, etc.
Added to this crown and almightiness of the Pope, is one more privilege that even the most ignoble idolaters could not even imagine—that of infallible divine right, according to a dogmatic decision of the Vatican Synod that was promulgated in 1870. Since that time “humanity ought to address him in the same way it addresses the Lord: ‘you have words of eternal life.’ From now on there is no need for the Holy Spirit to guide the Church “into all truth.” There is no more need for the Bible nor Sacred Tradition, for now there is a god on earth based on the dogma of infallibility. The Pope is the only law of truth that can even express things contrary to the judgment of the Church; declare new dogmas which the faithful ought to accept if they do not wish to be cut off from their hope of salvation. “It depends only on his will and intention to deem whatever he wishes, as sacred and holy within the Church.” And these decrees must be deemed, believed and obeyed “as canonical laws.” Since he is an infallible Pope, he must receive blind obedience. Cardinal Bellarmine, who was declared a Saint by the Latin Church, says this simply: “If the Pope someday imposed sins and forbid virtues, the Church is obliged to believe that these sins are good and these virtues are bad.”
4. The Answer of My Confessor
Having read all those books given to me by my confessor, I felt myself as a stranger within my own Church, whose organizational composition has no relation to the Church that the Lord Himself built and organized through the Apostles and their disciples and as intended by the Holy Fathers. Thinking this way I wrote my first letter to my superior, to my father confessor:
“I read your books. I shall not ignore divine dictates so that I may follow the human teachings that have no basis at all in the Bible. Such teachings are a string of foolishness by the Papacy. From the provisions set forth in the Holy Bible we can understand the nature of the Church and not through human decisions and theories. The truth of faith springs from the Bible and from the Tradition of the whole Church.”’
The reply came fast: “You have not followed my advice,” complained my elder, “and thus exposed your soul to the dangerous impact of the Bible, which can burn and darken when it does not shine. In such situations like yours, the Popes have pronounced that it ‘is a scandalous error for one to believe that all the Christians could read the Bible,’ and the theologians assure us that the Bible ‘is a dark cloud.’ ‘For one to believe in the enlightenment and clarity of the Bible is a heterodox (foreign) dogma,’ claim our infallible leaders. As far as the Tradition is concerned, I do not consider it necessary to remind you that we should primarily follow the Pope on matters of Faith. The Pope is worth, in this case, thousands of Augustinians, Jeromses, Gregories, Chrysostoms…..”
This answer accomplished to strengthen my opinion of the Church rather than to demolish it. It was impossible for me to place the Holy Bible below the Pope. By attacking the Holy Bible, my Church was losing every worthy belief for me, and was becoming one with the heretics who “being elected by the Bible turn against it.” This was the last contact I had with my elder.
5. The Pope is everything and the Church is nothing
However, I did not stop there. I had already started to skid away from my Church. I had taken a road that was not allowed to stop until I found a positive solution. The drama of those days was that I had estranged myself from the Papacy, but I did not attack any other ecclesiastical reality.
Orthodoxy and Protestantism then were for me vague ideas and I had not reached the time and opportunity to ascertain that they could offer something to soothe my agony. Despite all this I continued to love my Church that made me a Christian. I still needed more intense thinking to slowly reach, with trouble and grief, the conclusion that the Church I loved was not part of the Papal system. In reality the authority of the Church and of its Episcopal body were not subordinate to the monocracy of the Pope. Because according to Latin theology, “the authority of the Church exists only when it is characterized and harmonized by the Pope. In all other cases it is nullified.”
Looking at it this way, it is the same thing whether the Pope is with the Church or the Pope is [without the Church, in other words, the Pope is everything and the Church is nothing. Very correctly did Bishop Maren write, “It would have been more accurate if the Roman Catholics when they recite the creed ‘I Believe’ would say ‘And in one Pope instead of ‘And in one….Church.”
The importance and function of the Bishops in the Latin Church are no more than that of representatives of the Papal authority to which the Bishops submit like the lay people. This understanding is based on the 22nd chapter of St. John’s Gospel, which according to the Latin interpretation, “the Lord entrusts to the Apostle Peter, the first Pope, the shepherding of the lambs and the sheep,” namely He bestows on him the job of the Chief Shepherd with exclusive rights on all the faithful who are the lambs and the others, the Apostles and Bishops, namely, the sheep. However, the Bishops of the Latin Church are not even successors to the Apostles, for as it dogmatizes: “The apostolic authority was lacking with the Apostles and was not passed down to their successors, the Bishops; it was only passed on to the Papal authority of Peter, namely the Popes.” The Bishops then, by not having inherited any apostolic authority, have no other authority but the one given to them by the Supreme Pontiff of Rome. And the Ecumenical Synods also have no other value than the one given to them by the Bishop of Rome, “for they cannot be anything else except conferences of Christianity that are called under the authenticity and authority of the Pope.”
It would suffice the Pope to exit the hall of the Synod saying, “I am not there anymore,” to stop from that moment on the Ecumenical Synod from having any validity. If it is not authorized and validated by the Pope who could impose this authority on the faithful?
6. The Frightful Answer of a Jesuit
I almost gave up on my studies during that period, taking advantage of the hours that my Order allowed me to retire to my cell, to think of nothing else but my big problem. For whole months I would study the structure and organization of the early Church, straight from the apostolic and patristic sources.
However, all this work could not be done totally in secrecy. It looked obvious that my exterior life was greatly affected by this great concern which had overwhelmed all my interests and sapped all my strength. I never lost an opportunity to inquire from outside the Monastery whatever could contribute towards shedding some light on my problem. This way I started to discuss the topic with known ecclesiastical acquaintances in relation to the truth I had in their frankness and their heart. This way I would receive continuously the impressions and opinions on the topics which were for me always interesting and significant.
I found most of these clerics more fanatical than I expected. Even though they were deeply aware of the absurdity of the teaching on the Pope, they were stuck to the idea that “the required submission to the Pope demanded blind consent of our views” and in the other maxim by the founder of the Jesuits: “That we may possess the truth and not fall into fallacy, we owe it to always depend on the basic and immovable axiom that what we see as white in reality it is black, if that is what the hierarchy of the Church tells us.” With this unbelievable bias a priest of the Order of Jesus entrusted me with the following thought: “What you tell me I acknowledge that it is most logical and very clear and true. However, for us Jesuits, apart from the usual three vows, we give a fourth one during the day of our tonsure. This fourth vow is more important than the vow of purity, obedience and poverty. It is the vow that we must totally submit to the Pope. This way, I prefer to go to hell with the Pope than to Paradise with all your truths.”
7. “A Few Centuries Ago They Would Have Burnt You in the Fires of the Holy Inquisition”
According to the opinion of most of them, I was a heretic. Here’s what a Bishop wrote to me: “A few centuries ago, the ideas you have, would have been enough to bring you to the fires of the Holy Inquisition.”
However, despite all this I intended to stay in the Monastery and give myself over to a purely spiritual life, leaving the responsibility to the hierarchy for the deceit and its correction. But could the important things of the soul be safe on a road of a superficial life where the arbitrariness of the Pope could pile up new dogmas and false teachings concerning the pious life of the Church? Moreover, since the purity of teaching was built upon falsehoods about the Pope, who could reassure me that this stain would not spread into the other parts of the evangelical faith? It is therefore not strange if the holy men within the Latin Church started to sound the alarm by saying things such as:
“Who knows if the minor means of salvation that flood us do not cause us to forget our only Savior Jesus Christ? Today our spiritual life appears like a multi-branch and multi-leaf tree, where the souls do no more know where the truth is that everything rests on, and where the roots are that feed it.”
With such a manner we have embelished and overloaded our religiosity, so that the face of Him who is the “focus of the issue” is lost inside the “decorations.” Being therefore convinced that the spiritual life within the bosom of the Papal Church will expose me to dangers, I ended up taking the decisive step. I abandoned the Monastery and after a little while I declared I did not belong to the Latin Church. Some others seemed prepared until then to follow me, but at the last moment no one proved prepared to sacrifice so radically his position within the Church, with the honors and considerations they enjoyed.
This way I abandoned the Latin Church whose leader, forgot that the Kingdom of God “is not of this world” and that “he who is called to be a bishop is not called to any high position or authority but to be a servant of the Church.” But instead of imitating him who “wishing in his pride to be like god, lost the true glory and put on the false one” and “sat in the temple of God as god.” Rightly did Bernard De Klaraval write about the Pope:
“There is no more horrible poison for you, no sword more dangerous, than the thirst and passion of domination.” Coming out of the Papacy, I followed the voice of my conscience that was the voice of God. And this voice was telling me, “Leave her…so that you may not partake of her sins and that you may not receive her wounds.”
8. In the Bosom of Orthodoxy
Secondly, as my departure from the Papacy became more broadly known within the ecclesiastical circles and was receiving more enthusiastic response in the Spanish and French Protestant circles, so was my position becoming more precarious.
In the correspondence I received, the threatening and anonymous abusive letters were plentiful. They would accuse me that I was creating an anti-papist wave around me and I was leading, by my example into apostasy, Roman Catholic clerics who were dogmatically sick and who had publicly expressed a sympathetic feeling for my cause. This fact forced me to leave Barcelona and settle in Madrid where I was put up—without my seeking it—by Anglicans and through them I came into contact with the World Council of Churches. Not even there did I manage to remain inconspicuous. After every sermon at different Anglican Churches, a steadily increasing number of listeners sought to know me and to confidently discuss with me some ecclesiological topics.
Without therefore wishing it, a steadily increasing circle of people started forming around me, with most being anti-papists. This situation was exposing me to the authorities, because in the confidential meetings I had agreed to attend some Roman Catholic clerics started to appear who were generally known “for their lacking and weakening of faith regarding the primacy and infallibility of the Highest Hierarch of Rome.”
The fanatical vindictiveness that some papists bore against me was expressed and reached its zenith the day I replied to a detailed ecclesiastical dissertation which they had sent me as an ultimate step to remove me from the “trap of heresy” that I had fallen into. That work of apologetics had the title: The Pope, Vicar of our Lord on Earth. And the slogan that the arguments in the book ended up with was the following: “Due to the infallibility of the Pope, the Roman Catholics are today the only Christians who could be certain for what they believe.”
In the columns of the Portuguese book review, I replied: “The reality is that due to this infallibility you are the only Christians who cannot be certain about why they will demand that you believe tomorrow.” My article ended up with the following sentence: “Soon, the road you walk, you will name the Lord Vicar of the Pope in heaven.”
Soon after I published in Buenos Aires my three volume study, I put an end to the skirmishes with the Papacy. In that study I had collected all the statements in the patristic literature of the first four centuries which directly or indirectly refer to the “primacy clauses” (Mt. 16:18-19; John 21:15-17; Luke 22:31-32). I proved that the teachings about the Pope were absolutely foreign and contrary to the interpretation given by the Fathers of the Church on this issue. And the interpretation of the Fathers is exactly the rule on which we understand the Bible.
During that period, even though from unrelated situations, for the first time I came into contact with the Orthodox. Before I continue to recount the events, I owe it to confess here that my ideas about Orthodoxy had suffered an important development from the beginning of my spiritual odyssey. Certain discussions I had on ecclesiological topics with a group of Orthodox Polish Christians, who passed through my country, and the information I received from the World Council of Churches regarding the existence and life of Orthodox circles in the West, had aroused my great interest. Furthermore, I started to get different Russian and Greek books and magazines from London and Berlin, as well as some of the prized books that were provided by Archimandrite Benedict Katsenvakis in Napoli, Italy. Thus my interest in Orthodoxy would continue to grow.
Slowly, slowly in this way I started losing my inner biases against the Orthodox Church. These biases (that every Catholic is taught about Orthodoxy) presented Orthodoxy as schismatic, without spiritual life, a drained group of small Churches that do not have the characteristics of the true Church of Christ. And the schism that had cut her off “had made the devil for their father and the pride of the Patriarch Photios for their mother.”
So when I started to correspond with a respected member of the Orthodox hierarchy in the West—whose name I do not believe I am permitted to publish due to my personal criterion that was based on the original information—I was thus totally free from every bias against Orthodoxy and I could now spiritually gaze upon it objectively. I soon realized and even with a pleasant surprise that my negative stance I had against the Papacy was conforming completely to the ecclesiological teaching of the Orthodox Church. The respectable hierarch agreed to this coincidence in his letters, but refrained from expressing himself more broadly because he was aware that I lived in Protestant surroundings.
The Orthodox Christians in the West are not at all susceptible to proselytism. Only when our correspondence continued, the Orthodox Bishop gave me a superb book by Sergei Boulgakov entitled “Orthodoxy,” and the not less in depth dissertation under the same title by Metropolitan Seraphim. In the meantime I had also written specifically to the Ecumenical Patriarchate.
I found myself in those books. There was not even a single paragraph that did not meet completely the agreement of my conscience. They sent me many works along with letters from the Patriarchate and even from Greece.
I clearly saw how Orthodox teaching is profound and purely evangelical and that the Orthodox are the only Christians who believe like the Christians of the catacombs and of the Fathers of the Church of the Golden Age. They are the only ones who can repeat with holy boasting the patristic saying. “We believe in whatever we received from the Apostles.”
During this time I wrote two books, one with the title The Concept of the Church According to the Western Fathers and the other with the title Your God, Our God and God. These books were to be published in South America, but I did not proceed with their release so that I may not give an easy and dangerous hold to the Protestant propaganda.
The Orthodox advised me to let go of my negative position against the Papacy in which I was dirtied. They wanted me to reveal myself in my faith and creed so that they could judge how far I was from the Anglican Church as well as the Orthodox.
This was a hard task and I summarized it with the following sentences: “I believe everything that are included in the Canonical books of the Old and New Testament, according to the interpretation of the ecclesiastical Tradition, namely the Ecumenical Synods that were truly ecumenical, and to the unanimous teachings of the Holy Fathers that are acknowledged universally as such.”
From then on I began to understand that the sympathy of the Protestants towards me was cooling down with the exception of the Anglicans who were governed by some meaningful support. And it is only now that the Orthodox interest, despite coming late, as always, started to manifest itself and to attract me to Orthodoxy as one who was possibly a catechumen.
The undertakings of a Polish university professor, whom I knew, cemented my conviction that Orthodoxy is supported by the truths of Christianity. I understood that every Christian of the other confessions is required to sacrifice some significant part of the Faith to arrive at complete dogmatic purity, and only an Orthodox Christian is not so required. For only he lives and remains in the substance of Christianity in the revealed and unaltered truth.
So, I no longer felt alone against the almighty Roman Catholic Church and the coolness that the Protestants displayed against me. There were in the East and scattered around the world, 280 million Christians who belonged to the Orthodox Church and with whom I felt in communion.
The accusation of the Catholic Church about the theological mummification of Orthodoxy no longer had any value for me because I now understood that this fixed and stable perseverance of the Orthodox teaching of truth was not a spiritual solidified rock, but an everlasting flow like the current of the waterfall that seems to remain always the same yet the waters always change.
Slowly, slowly the Orthodox started to consider me as one of their own. “That we speak to this Spaniard about Orthodoxy” wrote a famous archimandrite “is not proselytism.” They and I perceived that I was already birthed in the port of Orthodoxy, that I was finally breathing freely in the bosom of the Mother Church. In this period I was finally Orthodox without realizing it, and like the disciples that walked towards Emmaus with the Divine Teacher, I had covered a lot of territory close to Orthodoxy without recognizing this Truth until the end.
When I was assured of this reality, I wrote a long dissertation about my case to the Ecumenical Patriarchate and to the Archbishop of Athens through the Apostolic Diaconate of the Church of Greece. And having completely cut off my connection with Spain—where today there is no Orthodox community—I left my country and went to France where I asked to become a member of the Orthodox Church, having earlier let some more time to elapse so that the fruit of my change could ripen.
During this period I further deepened my knowledge of the Orthodox Church and strengthened my relationship with her hierarchy. When I became fully confident of myself, I took the decisive step and officially was received into the true Church of Christ. I wished to realize this great event in Greece, the recognized country of Orthodoxy where I came to study theology. The blessed Archbishop of Athens received me paternally. His love and interest were beyond my expectations.
I should also say the same thing about the then chancellor of the Sacred Archdiocese of Athens and presently Bishop Dionysius of Rogon who showed me paternal love. It is needless to say that in such an atmosphere of love and warmth, the Holy Synod did not take long to decide about my acceptance into the bosom of the Orthodox Church. During that all-night sacred ceremony, I was honored with the name of the Apostles of Nations, and following that I was received into the monastic ranks at the Holy Monastery at Penteli. Soon after that, I was ordained a deacon by the Bishop of Rodon.
Since then, I live within the love, sympathy and understanding of the Greek Orthodox Church and all its members. I ask for their prayers and spiritual support so that I may always stand worthy of the grace that was given to me by the Lord.”